Positive Time Out for young children (PART 4)

One common parenting tool deserves special attentions.
If you've ever heard a parent say to a toddler " I've had it ! Go to time out and think about what you did"
Most parents use something called Time Out, but few really understand what it is or how best to use it with young children.

Positive time - out can be an effective way of helping both child and parent calm down enough to solve problems together when both are rational.
Time out is an appropriate parenting tool when it's positive and NOT PUNITIVE, and is used to teach, encourage and soothe.

Time Out is not effective with children under three years old.
Why ? They do not have maturity and judgement to make logical decisions.
Supervision and distraction are the most effective parenting tools for those age.
Young children often can read the energy of your feelings and understand that you want something. But they don't understand the logic of your arguments in the way you think they do.

Children do better when they feel better.
For young children, they can benefit from an opportunity "cool off" if you go with them.
The positive time out will help children feel better not to make them feel bad in the hope that feeling bad will inspire them to do better.

Parent's attitude is the key. 
One of the silliest things parents say to children when using punitive time out is
" You think about what you did and how bad you have been "
This is a silly think to say because of the assumption that adults can control what children will think about.
It's especially silly to think that young children bellow three have the kind of reasoning ability to think about what they did and know what they should do instead.
And do you really want your children to start developing beliefs that they are bad ?

At this point in their young lives, children need lots of guidance without expectation that they will be able to absorb and use what they are learning until their brains are more fully developed and gain more maturity and judgement.

Create Calming space
If you decide to try positive time out with your little one, create a safe, comfortable area where you can go together.
Remember, you're not punishing her, you're helping her to feel better that leads to cooperation.
This is not rewarding misbehavior either. It's understanding that children do better when they feel better.
For eg reading the book together or listen to music until we feel better.

No parenting tool works all the time
Be sure to have more than just time out in your toolbox. Filling your parenting toolbox with healthy, non punitive alternatives such as distraction will help you avoid the temptation to punish when your child challenges you and he undoubtedly will !

Always remember your child's development and capabilities.
Understanding what is and is not age appropriate behavior will help you not to expect things that are beyond the ability of your child.